When you have problems in your marriage, whom will you go to for help and counsel? Will that be your parents, relatives or friends? What kind of ideas will they give you? Will their bias view solve your problems or make them worse?
The world has changed rapidly in the last century. Science is breaking new ground everyday; our life and materials have been improved drastically over time. But we don't seem to enlighten much from our marriage and human intercourse; instead, we are sinking further down and getting into deeper trouble with more stubbornness, false concepts and incorrect attitude toward our marriage and relationships.
There are a lot of false counseling ideas circulating around our life right now, creating a lot of negative impact to our loving relationship, which we may not aware of, and unconsciously falling into an antagonistic situation.
Below are a list of incorrect point of views and concepts about men, women and our marriage:

(1) Whenever there is an argument, a man should be the one to yield. Women seem to get more sympathy, and men get more blame. Mentally speaking, women will be more arrogant and aggressive with all the support, men will be feeling down and depress with all the injustice. One side is up and the other side is down, the strong contrast of an unbalanced scale, will only lead to more contradiction, hate and argument.

(2) Men like to fool around after marriage, so women should keep an eye on them. Women especially like to teach other women how to supervise their husbands, how to remove trust from their marriage, how to apply rules to control their husbands and tense up their relationship. They think every man is the same, so they will enforce their control to force the good men to give up finally and look for replacement.

(3) Husband is the head of the family. This might have been true a hundred years ago at the ancient world, when women in most countries had virtually no social or family status. They had to rely on their husband to raise money for the family, had less ability, education, right, freedom and respect from their husbands and society.
This ancient thinking is totally outdated today, with the rising of women in educational level, human right, social status and independence, male domination will only lead to more argument, less respect and worsening relationships.

(4) Polygamy - this ancient phenomenon is still striking a lot of the societies and marriages right now. Due to high percentage of death in male participation in wars and building of gigantic structures during the ancient time, the ratio of men and women were extremely unbalanced, and polygamy was necessary to balance the difference of both sexes. But with the balanced population of today's world, polygamy and affairs are generally unacceptable, will only lead to more family tragedies, divorces, single parents and mentally unbalanced children.

(5) A man or a woman will get all the blames if he or she has an affair. I agree whoever is doing this is truly making a mistake, but the reasons causing this are complicated and interactive, which mean both sides may have certain degree of responsibilities in causing damage their relationship in causing this. The bias blames will only worsen the situation, and will only lead them to blind alley. To maintain a monogamous relationship requires works on both sides.

(6) We are always told to cherish someone, because they have done or sacrificed so much for us. This statement is only 50% correct, because we should be cherishing each other, to make it fair and even to balance our hearts. You don't need to measure which side has more sacrifice, dedication and help; you are doing this just to keep your love going, and your hearts balanced.

(7) I have money; I can do whatever I want. Only 50% correct, because you can not buy true love, true friendship, true respect and care. Money, arrogance and ego can only buy hypocrisy, flattering, false respect and hate. Only a giving and sacrificing true heart can earn true love and respect from the others.

(8) If he loves and cares about me, he should spend more time with me. If you take this for credit, you will fail your marriage for sure. This is an indication of selfishness and childishness. You are not helping and caring about your love one. You want to interrupt his works and the people working with him. You want to take his personal and spare time off to fulfil your sudden need, and you want his friends to blame you for taking all his time and space. You are not doing the right thing at the right time. He should put down his work and free time to show up when you are sick, have trouble or accident, not when you are alone, bore or showing off in front of your friends.

(9) Put me in first place, then someone else has to settle down for second, third, fourth, etc. Would you like someone to put you in first place automatically or be forced? Do you think giving pressure for first place will make your love one to love you more and more? What should you do to please your love one and touch their hearts to earn a true first place position? Do you think selfishness or too much demand is impressive? How will you put someone in first place? Will you judge them by unselfishness, sacrifice, nonintervention, generosity, gentle and heart?

(10) To be loved is better than to love, which means receive is better than give. We all have a scale inside our heart, one side is give, and one side is receive, how many of us doesn't need to get back what you have paid, doesn't need to receive what you have given? Do you know anyone who doesn't need to receive what he or she has given? Jesus Christ and Buddha. The rest of us, sorry, no balancing scale of give and receive, no peace and no harmony.

(11) Active and passive. Between male and female, which side should be active, and which side should be passive? During the ancient time at the male dominating world, I am pretty sure male were more active and initiative. But in today's world with rising women' right, with women doing men' jobs, playing men' roles and leading men at work, the fixed position of the above two roles are getting obscured. If women are blaming men for not being active, then women can start leading men to think, to talk and to work.

(12) Men like to show off about the number of their sex partners and their ability in sex. The more sex partner you have, means the more chances you will have for aids, and showing off is actually giving warning to others to stay away from you. Anyone can exaggerate there time and time of repeat in sexual intercourse. But if you are exaggerating your sexual ability too much, and your true ability are declining after some time due to aging, you are just giving your love one a chance to deride you, and this kind of pressure may lead to impotence.

(13) Women always complain about how men don't know what they want. This is because women are usually more prudential than men, they can look at things in smaller details and have higher awareness. Therefore women can see or discover a lot of things men are not aware of, sometimes an unclear signal from a woman may not awaken a negligent man, and this type of complaining sometimes becoming deliberately provocative.

(14) Men dating women just want to have sex. This may be true for some men, these guys don't want to stick with their guns, and they just want to fool around and have multiple sex partners. But monogamy, marriage and forming families are still goals for the majority of men, they want to settle down with someone they love to have families and children, and most importantly, to have long term relationships and love.

(15) Will a woman pursuing a man lose face and respect in the future? Of course not, the reason a woman pursuing a man is the same as a man pursuing a woman, simply because they find someone attractive, and try to catch his eye to reach first base. They are the modern women of the new millennium, having advanced and adventurous thinking, enthusiastic and initiative attitudes to do what they want and being a model and learning target for other women.

(16) We have different standard of tolerance between friends and mates. We will easily tolerate what our friends say or criticize to be unimportant, irrelevant, harmless, superficial, unintentional, and unrelated. But the same words or criticism expressing from your mate will be considered deliberately provocative, intentionally challenging and relentlessly hurting. For example, you may not mind your friends call your moniker "fatty" or "Shorty", but mind a lot if your mate does so.

(17) Our marriage is too boring; I rather have a marriage full of excitement and splendor. How long can your excitement and splendor last? Your marriage will just like riding on a roller coaster, once it reaches the top, will soon slide down to the bottom. The higher you rise, the deeper you fall, the more excitement and splendor you have the sooner you will be down and miserable. Boring means you are stable everyday, stable life means stable marriage, is this what everyone is looking for?