There are a lot of people giving biased advise on how to handle our marriage, how to control, mistrust and put pressure on the other half, to search for their possessions, and check at work every half an hour to see what they are doing. They are intentionally or unintentionally making our life full of doubt, supervision, lies, conflicts, revenge and hate, making us wander further and further away from each other. How can we get out of these straits and rebuild our trust and relationship?
First, we should stop listening to others bias views and advises, and stop learning their failed experiences to damage our love and marriage. We need to have a clear target in our minds, building a loving relationship together with mutual respect, trust, and care, to know which sides both of our bread is buttered on.
We are marrying each other with trust, our trust is build from our period of dating, when both or either side are covering their demerits to accommodate and comply each other. The excessively caring and attention from the courting also impress some of the ladies. We will amend our personality to cover our anger or dislikes doing what they tell, to pretend having the same interest, and try to talk or act at the same level.
But the acting couldn't last long, the demerits and original behavior will slowly show after marriage, our love one will soon feel the differences. With others adding fuel to the fire, giving them stupid advises to suspect, control and supervise the other half, our everlasting love and trust will soon start diminishing. Our relationship will be going downhill, quarreling, conflict and hate will increase, and either or both sides will start going out to look for a replacement.
On our road of marriage, we need to have very firm stand and orientation about ways to get along. If we have been getting along well with hiding demerits, flattering and court, why can't we keep this going after marriage? Do you really enjoy damaging all of your hard work to build your marriage with your old personality and laziness? If you have already raised your level of tolerance, temper and manner to successfully pursue your love one, why can't you keep this going to sustain your marriage and happy relationship?
If this is a one-sided court and you are feeling depressed for all the endless one-sided hard work, and the scale is heavily losing balance and leaning to one side. If this is the reason why you stop doing all of your hard work, and unintentionally ruin your marriage and happy relationship, why don't you try to make it a two-sided court to balance your heart and sustain your happy marriage?
I am sure your love one will have the same goal and understand your difficulties, they will certainly be willing to support your idea in raising their levels and amending their personality, temper and tolerance. They understand when giving surpass receiving, and the bullying, humiliation, stress, anger and hate are accumulating on one side of the scale in your heart, you will soon lose balance and control. Then they will start giving, start doing what you have done or sacrificed for them, to balance your heart and your marriage, to retrieve the fading respect and love. Therefore, you don't need to stop courting; instead, you should start teaching them how to pursue the same goals.
If one side likes to send little gifts before marriage, the other side should start doing the same. If one side is in full control before marriage, you should start consulting for their opinions more often after marriage, to make them feel the warmth and respect again from you.
A lot of males may be overly agree and concede when pursuing, the female should do something to reciprocate after marriage, and avoid being overly arrogant and conceited to hurt his dignity and your love. A lot of time, we will hear someone arrogantly saying how much their other half is afraid of him or her, they only need to yell out loud, the other half will show up right away without hesitation. Apparently, they seem to be awe-inspiring, feeling like a lion-tamer taming the lion on the floor with all the glory and applause. But everyone may not aware, fear has the same definition as annoyance and hate, the more their fear, means the more their hate. It's just like bearding the lion in his den, one day when they reach the limit and lose control, they will bite you ferociously, then you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.
We also have another excessively improper point of view, a surprise gift from your love one means he or she might be compensating for certain mistakes or an affair. If your love one just had a promotion and rise in salary, won a lottery, or just simply is showing affection, and then you are really pouring cold water on them. You are cooling down their enthusiasm and affection; you are biting the hand that feeds you, and leaving stains on your relationship.
Therefore, marriages need to be built on the principles of reciprocal love, encouragement, understanding and forgiveness, to balance our scales and our hearts. Trust has the same definition as love and respect, they are three in one, complementing each other, and affecting each other. If you want everlasting love, then, you need to build everlasting trust.