The method is simple. If you want to correct someone, make sure you ask them to correct or remind you when you make the same mistake, we should be helping and reminding each other, not rejecting each other. Remember that making mistakes is part of our human nature, there is nothing to be afraid or ashamed in admitting these mistakes. If you don't like someone to bring up your mistakes, then you don't have the right to criticize others. If you want to keep your right of criticism, then you should accept criticism from others. We all have a scale inside, only a balanced scale will make others to listen, obey and adore you.
If we want someone to listen to us, we have to be very modest and moderate. There is something I like everyone who is reading these articles to learn and practice, try to criticize our demerits, misconduct and mistakes, and acclaim their merits in front or behind them. We shouldn't think of these as flattery or hypocrisy, we are doing this to change our relationship, and to win our love or friendship back. How will you feel if you hear someone acclaim your merits in front or behind your back? If you know they are doing this from their hearts, you will be much appreciative and do something nice in return; you will change your attitude and may start listening to their comments and ideas again.
When we are praising, we should praise for something related and practical, something happening often around us, like good cooking, good advises, good manner, etc., and defend for him or her when someone is criticizing. Try to say something like, "She does make mistakes sometimes, but she is doing pretty well most of the time". Try not to say something too general, like, "She is my most beloved wife, she is the best, I can't live without her", which she may feel you are acting hypocritically.
If you are going to criticize someone in making certain common mistakes, you should tell them you sometimes make the same mistakes sometime, and hope they will be more careful next time. Then, "Mind your own business, you are making the same mistake too", will no longer carry in their mouths. Self-criticism is a way of modesty and a sign of moderate judgement, will improve your reliability and trust-worthiness.
Once, you start doing this, others will appreciate for your new trying, this will make you very special, because nobody else is doing it, this will make people fall in love with you again. You can start teaching others to do the same, if they don't want to learn, then you can threaten them to use the old method again, to go back to the old way, then anyone will surrender and start doing the same to you in return.
If either side of the parents is trying to teach their children to hate, discriminate and alienate from the other side, with accusation, humiliation and criticism, then you should fight back with a different type of teaching and rebellion. You should start teaching your children to love, forgive, care and start praising for his or her merits and confess in front of them, and let their righteousness to judge which side is good and which side is bad. If the other half knows you are doing this, what will he or she think? If hate, anger and revenge are all contagious, love, care and forgiving will do the same. If you want a happy family, which side of contagious behaviors do you like to spread around?
We also need to be aware of our manner of speaking. A loud and angry voice is very provocative. You are not reminding or correcting someone's mistakes, instead you are provoking someone to fight and argue for your comments. Most people are very touchy, once they are provoked; they will deny anything you suggest, even those suggestions that are in favor of them.
We all like to hear soft and gentle voice. Someone gently calls you, "My dear ", is a lot better than "Hey, you idiot". The reason we sometimes talk loud with poor manner may be caused by poor temper or impatience. Talking with loud and rapid tone with anger and anxiety may be contagious sometimes, and you will soon hear the same tone in return. Therefore, if you hear an unfriendly tone, check your own manner and tone first before blaming others.
Use your own reaction as a standard. If you don't like people doing or saying certain things to you, then they probably will feel the same if you reverse the roles. This method will work in many different fields, because we really are not that much different when we are facing anger, criticisms, mistakes and fears.
My sister and sister in law have a new born son, I told both of them the importance of keeping promises, not lying, taking responsibilities and controlling their temper. They did exactly what I told, and used these on their son. Now he is 3 1/2 year old, but has IQ of a seven-year-old boy, and is learning very fast. Now he can talk to us in very good Cantonese, English and simple Mandarin, he is doing exactly what his parents tell, packing the toys after play each time, and sweep the floor afterward. He has very good memory, can learn anything right away and without forgiving.
The reason why he is so smart and learning so fast is because his parents are following the five rules, good temper, keeping promises, taking responsibilities, admitting mistakes and not lying. Now, he is supervising our behavior and conduct, he is telling us what we can't say, and telling us not to cross the road when the traffic light is red, we are all learning to behave ourselves again. Therefore he doesn't have any hate or dislike bothering his mind, distracting his concentration and rebelling against his parents, and he is very willingly to listen to what the parents teach.
They are really controlling their temper and always aware of what they say in front of the child. Because once the boy was very mad and told my sister to leave the house and she soon realized he was copying what she had said to him when he misbehaved. This kind of conduct is a way of revenge, if we don't control our temper, words and deeds carefully, one day your kids will use them back on you, and you are bringing blame on yourself. That's why we always hear parents complaining their kids can not learn any of their merits, but learn all the demerits instead.
If other kids need to be reminded 20 times to remember one thing, he only needs once or twice. Therefore, he is 10 to 20 times faster in learning than other children. He has better memorizing ability with less bad memory, dislike and distraction bothering his mind and concentration. His IQ will automatically push up to higher level with all of these enlightenment and outstanding performances. His EQ can also be strongly developed by model parents and family members with sufficient love, understanding, tolerance and good temper.
His parents also give him freedom of speech, let him say anything he wants, and leading him to self-introspection for his own errors when he feels poor reply or reflection.
His parents also teach him the importance of questioning and finding out answers, foster him to ask question whenever he has problems, and searching for answers without hesitation or waiting. I have been using this method for many years. If I have any question about English, I will search for help right away without hesitation, I will go outside and ask any westerner for assistance, and they are most willing to help.
Rebellion and stubbornness are just like walls, rebellion is blocking our mind in accepting advice or knowledge from the person we hate or rebel. It will slow down our learning process, and blocking our ability in distinguishing between good and bad, or true and false, because we will considering everything from the person we hate or rebel are bad, false and hypocritical.
Stubbornness is blocking our mind in accepting advice, changing or knowledge in keeping our face and dignity. We are stubbornly thinking we are the best, and wouldn't allow any adjustment or criticism, even if they will enhance our personality, knowledge, IQ or EQ.
Removing the walls of rebellion and stubbornness means we will consider every advice thoroughly from anyone. Anyone we like or hate anyone who has encouraged or discouraged, and anyone who has supported us or looked down on us. Removing the walls inside our brains means we can enter another room and double the space, having better ability in acceptance, higher ability in judgement and stronger ability in determination. The more walls you remove the higher IQ and EQ you will gather, the smarter you can look for answers, faster to solve all the distress and easier to advance to higher level of enlightenment and relaxation.
Many years ago, I watched a movie with an unforgettable scene, which really has changed my thinking and life. Two enemies were gambling for roulette in a casino. Mr. A placed a chip on the black square, and Mr. B placed his chip on the other color, and finally Mr. A won this round. In the next round, Mr. B placed his chip first on the red square and Mr. A followed, this time they both won. Then Mr. A told Mr. B, "I would only place on the winning square, no matter what my enemies had done".
This is the difference between the perceptual and the rational. With perception and self-center to perceive and aware of others opinions or criticism, to walk their own path, to immerse and intoxicate into their old memory and values and hold their own ground. With rationality and intellect to search for the right path, solution, and higher values, without any personal reason or psychological obstruction, to strike the iron while it is hot and break new ground.
While the world is moving forward, technology is breaking new ground everyday, rationality can help us to raise our sight, to learn from mistakes, to enlighten to higher level of consciousness, and live by our wits. Perception will slow us down, will make us lose pace with the fast moving world, will make us fall behind the ranks, and drop behind the fast moving, progressive and rational group. The stubborn and rebellious will soon become aliens and eliminates from this world.