Lying is a major part
of our human nature, there is no way we can stop people from lying, and we are
forcing someone to lie in three major categories:
First, lying for jealousy. For example, we are very jealous about our lovers
looking at or talking to other beautiful women or men. Our strict restriction
is a sign of selfishness, and will only force them to lie and rebel. They will
only tell you about seeing or talking to friends of the same sex every time
you question them. You are blaming them about lying to you once you find out
the truth, instead of blaming your selfishness and overbearing nature that forces
them to lie.
Second, lying for punishment. For example, we will punish children for their
careless mistakes or misbehavior. Therefore, if children break a glass, they
will lie about their mistake to prevent punishment. Our intention for punishing
them is for their own good, but the severe punishment is also forcing them to
lie.
Third, lying to avoid blames. For example, we are blaming people for being late.
Therefore, they will use common excuses like traffic jam, emergency phone call,
or bad stomach to escape from accusation. Our impatience and poor temper are
forcing them to lie.
From our personal experience, we know that restriction, accusation and punishment
can not prevent the above three cases to happen again. Simply because curiosity,
desire to look at beautiful things, careless move, clumsiness, and lateness
are part of our human nature or behavior, almost the entire human mankind are
having the above conducts. Restriction, accusation and punishment are only forcing
them to lie, to run away from responsibilities, and to deceive you with stupid
excuses.
If we can not fix these behaviors and prevent them from happening again, then
what we should fix are our toleration, jealousy, temper and our mind. We only
have three choices, first, you can tolerate mistakes and desires, second, you
can tolerate lies, third, do not tolerate anything, and let your anger and jealousy
destroy your life and loving relationship.
Most people are experiencing the third choice, if you are tired of this and
looking for some refinement, the first and second choices are your only choices.
If you are choosing the second choice, you have to pretend to be an idiot, pretend
believing whatever they say, and let your life pretend to be happy with all
the lies surrounding it.
If you are choosing the first choice, then you need to open your heart, let
them be themselves, let them see and talk to whomever they like, forgive others
for being late or making careless mistakes. Say something encouraging and supportive,
like, "That's OK, we all will be late sometimes, we will all make mistakes
sometimes", to provide them the support everyone needs and the encouragement
that has been disappearing from you for quite some time. To show them your improvement
in accepting their misconduct, and leading them back to honesty or open communication.